people
strange little girl
lynnriver
lately Suomi posted some interesting thought, she said: "I was afraid that when the hiatus comes there'll be nothing to talk about with her". I know she didn't mean me (did she?), that's not the point. this make me pretty uneasy that after ME worn off and me being w/out Internet-connection for some time there'll be nothing left in common with me & my Commander. I've grown to love her deeply, I know we're not 'friends', but still. she saved me in some way, helped me out when I really needed it and... it'll hurt more than a bit, I have to admit. it still bugs me that there ain't any other links between us but ME. are there?..

I've been acting dumb with so many people lately. like I'm 17 again. even this blog is pathetic. I'm whining like a teenager. though I feel pretty grown up dealing with really meaningful & important stuff.

today one of cool people unfriended me on @diary because she didn't want to read posts about ME after EC DLC, but she didn't unfriend other common acquaintance. I felt really bad, dunno why, I know it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't even worth bothering. but it hurt me.

friday
strange little girl
lynnriver
spent some good time with my Colonel, she's perfect: she knows I feel like shit & doesn't try to make it worse, I'm so very grateful for this, for her just being near, it's comforting. we've watched two movies, cuz we both are too afraid to stay alone with upcoming 'day X'.
first one, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was awful, really. it lacked any sense, was filled with very wrong physics & vast plot-holes, still there was quite an interesting, so to say, character (portrayed by Howard Stark Dominic Cooper) and one very kinky pairing. and it was really beautiful, to his credit, Timur Bekmambetov is getting better & better in movie-making, he did a great progress since Night Watch & it's nice to see someone from former Soviet Union to make it into world. horse-jumping & on-(moving)-train fighting scenes were... unsettling. we laughed really hard when Bekmambetov has crashed another train.
second one was Disney&Pixar's Brave. beautiful, witty, hilarious, Scottish & sweet fairy-tale about difficulties in mother-daughter's relationship. liked it very much.
once again, I'm really-really tired, I have to wake up at 8 am tomorrow to go to the Uni. btw, I've finally submitted my thesis! one last frontier is waiting for me next Mon & I'll be free.
better be off now, post something later, when I'd be capable to think properly & use some of my cool passive IELTS & CAE vocab.

damnit
strange little girl
lynnriver
mom tried to comfort me by saying how irresponsible & stupid I am. good job, mom!

big-time-fail
strange little girl
lynnriver
allowed myself few miserable & pitiful entries on my main account. about how I wish I was ever enough for anybody & how the Uni has stabbed me in the back with that 'satisfactory' grade for Chinese. I can't quite get over that last fact, I was a freaking know-it-all & it's embarrassing for me, I feel like this epic fail is tattooed on my forehead: LOOK! A GIRL WHO FAILED! I don't think I'll be able to sort it out any time soon, my thoughts just keep skipping back to this, I feel this pitiful glances on my back, no-one I cared for failed, but I did. why? why didn't I get lucky this time? shi~ it really takes a toll on me. I know, there's no-one I can talk to about it, cuz those whose opinion matters they're fine, their grades are fine & their word 'd just hurt me even more. shi~, it's so pathetic. grades doesn't matter, does they?.. but for me they did. and I failed.
SHIT.

dreams
strange little girl
lynnriver
today my dreams were... troubling. I mean, I definitely remember trying to seduce one particular guy, but then I ended up with a girl in my bed after some party. the next morn that guy came to me, said that this girl has betrayed me & tried to get his revenge by fucking me. what the sh~?! another dream was about some mission on random planet & when Joker requested the extraction I was flying Normandy. that's even sounds insane. stupid stuff, agrh!
anyway, need to correct thesis one more time & go to the Uni & pray like hell they'll sigh it. holy slippers, let it be over soon. cuz even my dreams are... strange, to put it mildly.

long tiresome day
strange little girl
lynnriver
so goddamn tired can't even think, just wanna fall asleep until the next Monday comes. but have to face two more very unpleasant days. thanks to my parents for all the love & support, I couldn't make it without them, I am sooo tired, just want to give up, but I can't I never give up, I'm a tough one, I'll manage. I hope so.

friends
strange little girl
lynnriver
it's fascinating how & why people become friends.
for example, Commander, I don't know a thing about her, still I feel so safe & comfortable just chatting with her, talking to her, laughing it all up. then there's Colonel. we have quite a story together, we've been through the best & the worst, but we still are besties, she's my other side, better side... I don't know what's there for us two, maybe it is the end, our last week, then I'll move to Spb & she'll move to China...
but there also those whom I have left behind now: Rivers, Suomi, Wardo, etc. I loved 'em. I do love them still, and it's not too late to bring these people back, but -- shit -- it's complicated.

(no subject)
strange little girl
lynnriver
jeez, I love my perfect beta! it's amazing to chat in English about how to make three favorite Mass Effect characters to fuck cuz we both are to embarrassed to say things like this in Russian. why is she so perfect? I desperately needed someone like her in my life. oh, how I wish it'd last.

(no subject)
strange little girl
lynnriver
I have to go and write smt on @diary.ru, cuz there are still some people I really-really love and I've finally got some things to say. but it comes out more smoothly here, so here we are.
well, I'd like to clear up the reasons I've started (but I can't 100% promise I'd finish) studying Finnish -- truth be told, Finland is the best possible choice I can afford (more precisely, my parents would be able to help my financially). it's not that I madly in love with this country or the language or anything, it's just a reasonable choice of foreign ground I can really try and move in to. and it's easier to believe that I have good chances to move in to Finland than any other European country. it could be a start, anyway. so why not take them?

hello again, friend of a friend
strange little girl
lynnriver
decided to have a fresh start and a place to hide. no-one knows me here, no-one cares, so for some time ('till some people will eventually friend me) I'm safe of constant guilt of being wrong (in judgments or in grammar).
I'd like to put in here some drabbles, translations, essays (probably, my homework and self-studying works), maybe, some comments on translations and linguistics' work I come across. basically, I'd like to practice in conversational English (mostly). probably, I'd use both English & Russian (with some Mandarin Chinese and Finish).

?

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